It's a Monday...AGAIN

Well, today was pretty ok. This morning I was freaking out, (I woke up at 5am to finish my math homework) because I had no time in which to do sufficient homework. I have a jazz band thing tomorrow afternoon (we get to play in the state fair, weee, and I have a solo yay!) and I had SO much homework. Biggest of all was my geology homework, because that takes hours to do in and of itself. Including Family Home Evening on monday night, I would have to stay up all night to finish all that stuff, and my Calculus homework, and my French homework. But, Mr. Deathtomortals told us that we have another week to do all that. Let's just say I was IN ECSTASY (but not the drug haha). So, today I actually had free time in which to read and to take a nap. I am now very awake, so I will have time to get a good amount of Calculus done before tomorrow, and maybe finish Fahrenheit 451 (which is an amazing book, by the way.) That reminds me. I finished David Copperfield. It was SO good, I cried at the end I was so happy. I'm still really happy just thinking about that book. If you haven't read it yet, READ IT! Well, this evening we went shopping. I bought an orange watch, which is good because it blocks the metal from touching my skin (I'm really allergic to metal) so I'm really happy. I also bought a coat (it's kinda weird because it looks a lot like Radish's coat, but it's green.) and some jeans (*sob* I still shop in the little girl's section because of my smallness...hehe that's ok, I wouldn't trade being short for anything in the world) Then, we had Family Home Evening really quick, and had leftover cupcakes and ice cream from Almond's party. Then, I was here! And also...Nothing. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything bad either. You have no proof...*weep* I'm a horrible person! But I didn't even do anything, and I won't do it ever again. No, what am I saying, I'm going to give into temptation again and I know it...*sigh* but I'll try not to. Anywho, if you have no idea what I'm talking about, more power to you. Well, now I've got to go see my psychiatrist, and cry into his shoulder.

Homecoming Game

It was so much fun, even though our team lost. The most attractive boy in school got First runner up for Homecoming king (who knows why he didn't win...probably because the other guy is more popular, and has a really cool last name) Also, the Watermelon, Clarissa, Cocoa Bean, and a few others who aren't usually present (even people who have already graduated) were there, so it was especially fun to see them again. Green Bean didn't even come over to talk to me, though. He was probably too busy flirting with Alissa (or just thinking about her, I'm not completely sure she was there) Radish and I joked around pretty much the whole time. It was super fun, he always makes me laugh. He might be joining Marching Band, which is tres exciting. Strawberry and I also went around doing fun stuffs to peoples, which was awesomely funny. Also, after the game, Watermelon, Clarissa, Soccerball, Violin, Cauliflower and I went to get Frosties at Wendy's. They were all closed, so we had to go through the drive-through. It was still fun. We talked a bunch in the van (soccerball's 15 passenger bus) and yeah. Ooo, I need to inform you on the status of homecoming. Soccerball is going with Turbo, Clazy is going with Spinach, Watermelon is going with Rutabaga, and Alissa is going with Green Bean. Pretty much everywhere I go, people are talking about dresses and hair. Ah well, I suppose that they have a definate right to be excited, and I have a definate moral obligation to be excited for them. Well, I need to catch up on my conspiracy literature, so I should get going.

Homecoming analysis

Woa...my internet's goin screwy. Well, here is my first analyzation.

Most of my fellow fruits and vegetables are going to homecoming. In the past, I have been known as a "flirt" or a "coquetish girl". In those days, I really enjoyed the reputation. At that time, I was asked many dates, including both proms. At normal dances, I would get to dance nearly every slow dance. Then, my friends (especially the Radish) seemed to get a bit fed up with my "wanton" behavior. Not only that, but I was the butt of many jokes that I'm not sure I wanted to be connected with. For all these reasons and a few more, I decided to stop all my boy-crazy antics. However, since this overhaul of my attitude towards life, I have had only one date, (which was wonderful, I don't mean to put that down in any way, shape, or form, Radish) and at dances I have had nearly ZERO slow dances. This leads me to believe that there are some definate perks to being a flirt. Then, I suppose the choice would be more between what I really want. Focusing more on my friends and school work gets me no dates, but it does bring a higher level of respect for myself. Now I have to wonder why I feel so down about not going to homecoming. Homecoming is not the biggest dance of the year, although it is the only formal for a very long time. I suppose I am mostly saddened because of the drastic change from my former circumstances. Still, I cannot help but feeling I'm letting myself down by being as much of a flirt as I was before. It seems almost to be lowering myself. Still, I really don't like the idea of going to a pity party on the day of the second biggest dance of the year. Maybe I'll incorporate some of my coquetish ways into my new focused life-style.

Well, nothing to do but to pig out on ice cream and chocolate, and watch cheesy chick flicks.

Gorge yourself with ice cream 

Prom

Yes, the title does not lie. I went to Prom. It was Prom for our rival school, but hey. It was fun. I went with the Green Bean. For our day date, our group went bowling. It was cool, because it was dice bowling. You roll a die before each turn, and each number means a different type of bowling.The whole thing was way fun, I'm glad I got asked :D

I had a dream

Yup. Last night. First, I had to preform a Hawaiian dance in front of lots of people, but I wasn't really nervous or anything. Everyone cheered, and I thought I did pretty good. Then, I took off the dress I wore for that. (It was orange, and flowy. It looked more spanish than Hawaiian.) Underneath, I had been wearing some capris and a t-shirt. I ran over to the band room, and put on my uniform for drumline. It was pretty sweet. It was red and gold. In the drumline, it was me, Radish, and Christina on snare. Then, we had some people on bases, but I don't remember them. We did really well. Except that Christina I guess had a really big crush on Radish or something, and when she tried to get too close to him, she fell over. It was pretty funny. She got kicked out of the drumline for that. Radish kept on staring at me, it was pretty weird.Then, I had to go to The Willard's class to help him teach. I was walking down the halls, on the way there, when I woke up. (not in the dream) Well, I've asked someone to the Sophomore slide. I got Clayzy Rachy to ask Van Tan to the dance for me. It's pretty crazy. I don't think I would have imagined myself asking him. Fortunately, all my friends who liked him before are now over him. (or so they say...) anyway, that was yesterday, and I'm hoping that he answers today. I'm so excited. I don't have a crush on him or anything big, but he is a really cool guy, (and pretty good lookin too ^^) Well, I should get goin. I have a bunch of stuff to do, and I leave for the reformatory in half an hour.

I had a strange dream last night

I woke up on the couch, so maybe that has something to do with why it's so weird.

I was reading and living "Cry the Beloved Country" at the same time. Except the story was completely different. It also had some extra characters in it. In the beginning, there was a piece of paper with a word describing the life of each character. One was "study", another was "signs"(but sometimes, when I looked back at the paper, signs turned to aliens) There were others, but I can't remember them. So, the story went on. In it, one lady was planning to kill another lady (I think it was Claire from Lost but she had already had her baby) but she had to do it at just the right time. Finally, the lady got Claire into a room alone. She said "I am afraid to close this door. I am afraid to lock it. We are alone, but I am afraid of what I must do behind that closed door." I tried to warn Claire, but I was only reading the book, so she couldn't hear me (even though it looked like I was in the same room) So, she was killed, but I don't think I saw that part. I just suddenly knew what had happened, and moved on with the story. The priest had to take care of Claire's baby. Apparently, just like in the show, no one but Claire could take care of the child, and so now the boy was creepy, and could destroy things without touching them, and stuff like that. The book ended with a funeral, but I can't remember who's it was. So, I put down the book, and was a little creeped out. I said "Finally, now I can read something else." But now, my house was in South Africa. My house was on a huge hill, overlooking a little town by the sea. The phone rang, and when I answered it, it was the first counselor of our ward. He said "Guess what, Orange? We know you're young, but we're calling you as bishop. To help you, we've also called you father as second counselor." I was shocked, and just said "ok..." He hung up. A little while later, my dad called from the church building, and said "Hey, you know we're supposed to be hosting the dance down here. We have to give the blessing." I was in my pajamas, but I didn't bother to change, for some reason. My dad picked me up, and we drove down this windy road to get to the church. On the way, I saw Mr. MB. Somehow I knew he was the prophet now. He was giving a press conference or something. He complimented my dad and I on how we were being faithful to our callings, and going to the dance. When we got inside the building, no one was there, and another church leader said "Maybe we should say the prayer later when more people are here. No one is here at the beginning of a dance anyway." So, I decided I was going to go get dressed for the dance. My dad drove me home, and he got out this 80's dress. I thought "I am really going to hate seeing everyone dressed like the 80's. But, I suppose, that since everyone else is, it would be a faux pas not to." The dress was really colorful, and the little belt on the waist was almost too small for me. My dad drove me back down, but President Lemen wasn't there anymore. I went in, and saw Soccerball. Before I could go over, though, Ashlee came over and said "What are you doing here looking so hot in that dress?" I laughed, and then said "Thanks, I'll see ya later." Then, I got in there, and there were about 500 folding chairs set up on the dance floor. I have no idea what they were doing. I saw Soccerball, and went to sit by her. I told her that my dad had gotten personally complimented by the President of the Church. Then, I told her I had been called as bishop. Then, in my mind, I thought "Wait, only those who hold the priesthood can be a bishop...and only men can hold the priesthood..." Soccerball didn't seem too phased by it, though. She just said, "wow." Then, after my reasonings, I said "Wait, no, I'm not. I guess I just had a livid dream that I was the bishop. Oh well, sorry."

That's the end. I think there's one more part, but I can't remember it. It was pretty crazy. Well, not nearly as crazy as some other ones, but still...the bishop? Anywho, I should get going. I need to finish more of my duties to society.

Gah, I keep remembering it!

Well, I'm officially...I don't know what. The past two days, I've had constant reminders of the accident, when the Radish got stung. He thought he got stung today. I got REALLY scared, and I even started crying. I guess it's just because all the feelings from last time and this time combined, and I was really shaken up. Both times I've taken it much harder than both him and his parents. I don't know why. Fortunately, this time was a false alarm. Still, I was kinda shaky for a few hours afterwards. Anyway, it was just one of those things. I hope nothing like the last time ever happens again. Well, today was great fun. I went to drumline at my own school. I usually go to the other school to do it. I wasn't all that good (because this was an advanced line) but I thought I kept up pretty well, considering. Then, Carrot said "Oh, you're just visiting? I thought you were joining, and I was excited. Well, if you're ever interested." It was pretty cool, so I thought I might join. Then, the string bean asked The Strawberry, carrot, and me to help with his video. hehe We got to pretend to strangle him. It was pretty fun.

The Carrot 

The Last One Stunk

I am writing again. It makes me pretty happy. I can finally have something to shoe to my editors, and I'm actually getting somewhere. I'm actually writing about some of the things I've ben wanting to read. I just need to come up with the next destination. I've got kind of a blurry vision of something I think would be cool, but maybe not. *sigh* I am so...coquety. It's so weird to have attractions and crushes on SO many people, and they're all really cool, but I find myself in love with only one of them. It's a...kind of an unfaithful sort of feeling. But then again, I'm prolly supposed to be pretty unfaithful at this point of my life, because I really am not that old, and I can't see myself making such a huge commitment just yet, even if I sometimes want to. I really do not want to work on that history documentary, but I suppose that I should prolly start getting a bit more info. And organizing it. I prolly do things with the least efficiency possible. But, I guess I don't care. Ah well...on to the history.

YES! 16!!

I am officially able to date, drive, and everything else I couldn't before! Except drink, vote, gamble, and smoke...only one of which I want to do. I have only been on one date so far, and it was pretty good. It was really fun, and although it wasn't a "hot date" like some say, it was a blast. Last night I went to two basketball games. It was fun for most of it. 3/4 I'd say. But then, I had some...shall we say social complications to deal with. I hope I helped, but if not, she cannot say I didn't try. Anywho, I should prolly get goin. I've got to finish this WWI documentary.

The Perfect Weekend

I am in the middle of the perfect weekend. Last weekend STUNK. What with the incident of the Corn and all...But this weekend, I've had a party, and pep band. We won the game. I was so happy. I'm on a high right now. I don't think I'll be able to sleep, because it'll be such a downer in the most perfect weekend EVER. Politics...hm...Kerry or Bush? I want Bush to win, but then again...If Kerry wins, it'll mean that the end of the world is near, and that I'll actually see it in my lifetime. Because I've been wondering a lot about that lately. I was always sure that I would see that day, but who knows. I've been told that I'm like one of the 2000 stripling warriors preparing the world for Christ to return, but the 2000 didn't even live to see Him come. Will I? Well, I guess shouldn't really worry about it. Aw well. But still. MOST PERFECT WEEKEND EVER!!!!! And yet, I'm still reminded of February. February meant so much to me in so many ways. I will always look back to that as the ideal state of my junior high self. *sigh* Those were good, good times. I loved those times. *sniff* with Van, and Tan, and Jebb, and all those other good inside jokes. They are now something only to reflect upon. Now, we've moved on to less applicable things like "JUST STAB HER!!" and other sayings. hehe They're still cool. Tis all good. For this perfect weekend. Weeeelll.....I've gotta finish up the recording up at the studio. Cya'all latah

The Corn 

C'est la vie

I have fallen in love with a man named Joe. Joe Burns, except his "actor" is named Donovan Patton. Except I don't like Donovan. But Joe is awesomest. He sings cool songs. He gave me a love day card, and said he loved me. hehehe. (For any of you who do not know me, this is all a joke. Seriously)
Today has been fun. I woke up REALLY early. It will be even funner later today. Anywho, I probably should get going and finish my fun stuff. After all, it's not often I get a day off from patrol.

Joe, my beloved 

Utah, the best place to die in America. It's been scientifically proven

Death. I haven't thought about that subject for a while. Now that I look back, I'm really glad my days of not caring about life are long over. But, death is still a subject to think about, eh? But it's been said that death is just a horizon, and what is a horizon except for the point past which you cannot see? I think that's a really good quote, but I can't remember who said it. Well, I'm feeling like I could die any second, but I'm not welcoming it. Ok, it's not that severe, but I'm really tired emotionally, physically, socially, and mentally. I'm not sure how I'm going to endure too much more of this. In fact, it's just going to get worse. Oh well, it'll teach me a lot of life-lessons, right? Anywho, I've g2g finish up coding web page HTML for my firm. Cya.

Hm. School. Cool. *twitch*

Sorry I haven't blogged for a while. A whole lot of things have been going on. Well, I got back from Yellowstone in one piece. There isn't enough room here to write about my entire vacation, but if you really want to know about it, I've got the whole story typed up, and I could send it to ya. But I'll just let a few words suffice for now: It was ok, but I'm not going again for years and years if ever. Then, school started about 29 hours after I got home. Also, a few life changing things have occured. So, I've been pretty busy. I've decided that this year, my habits may get much better, but life is still going to be miserable. But, if my habits didn't improve, I'd be in my grave now. Three days into the horrible experience, and I'd already be dead. But, I'm trying a while lot better now. I'm in a transitional phase, I think. But, I think I'll create a different blog to talk about that kind of stuff. Anyway, that's about it. Too tired. But I still have to finish up a few more of my simulation hours. Bye.

I'm feeling too jumpy to write much

Well, this has been interesting. I had 2, count them, 2 BCRs. One of them ended early, however, because he found out I was a sophomore. He's a junior. Then, the other one was more fun, because it was this 8th grader. he's young, but he is SO funny. If circumstances had been really different, (me being younger, and not already taken) I think I'd have a big crush on that kid. But for that week it was just pretend. I also had a wee bit of a fight with Radish. But fortunately it was over really fast, and things are ok now. Pickle is being really insistant on things that I'm not sure I want. But...maybe I do want them. ANYWAY, I went to night games at violin's house. That was fun. But I biffed it and got really beat up. Well, I don't feel like writing much more. So, I'm going to instead catch up on ancient British literature, and the secrets of vanished civilizations.

Mad. Frustrated. Wrathful. Avengeful. How ever you want to put it, I ain't happy. 

A moment to vent; don't read unless you're prepared

AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Everything: stupid. Everyone: curse them. Everyday: full of misery. Ms. Bingley thinks I'm her friend, muahahaha. Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer. I think I've done that. Now, I just need to keep an eye out. But I think that for the next week, I'm going to just lay down, and give myself up to sorrow. I've been fighting it so long, it'll be nice to have a week when I can let it take over. I'll take up the fight again when I get back from yellowstone. Maybe that isn't such a good idea, but I'm not sure I'd be able to hold up much longer anyway. I'm running out of ammunition very quickly, and the fort has taken such a beating. There are enemy troops surrounding, and I'm afraid the only thing to do would be to retreat for a ways until I can find a place where I'll have the advantage. I hope I'll be able to find that place soon. Anger is once again consuming me...I can feel the happy, nice, cheerful, optimistic me that everyone sees slipping away. Now, the depressed me, and the hateful, angry me are fighting for my emotions, for the face, for the actions. I don't know whether to scream and hit things, or to go to my room and cry. I think I'll go to the night games at violin's house tomorrow. One last time to be with everyone. One last time to see just how good my life was, and just how rotten it's going to be. I think the hateful me is winning. The only words my fingers seem to want to write, are words like "HATE HATE HATE" and "KILL" and "DIE" If Radish doesn't fulfill his promise tonight, I'm going to be extremely angry, because if he's not there anymore when I really need him, where am I supposed to turn? Tomorrow will be full of tears, and sorrowful goodbyes, and wishing, and remembering, and other things like that. I'm reminded of the song "In Dreams" from Lord of the Rings. The words go like this: "When the cold of winter comes, starless night will cover day. In the vailing of the sun, we will walk in bitter rain. But in dreams, I can hear your name. And in dreams, we will meet again." Because the cold of winter is here. And I'm afraid we'll only meet again in my dreams. Because I dream every single solitary night about my friends. I miss them even in my dreams. But I guess it's all over, and I'll just have to keep dreaming if I want to see them again before I die. I want to scream so badly! And yet, I'm on the edge of running down to my room and crying all night. ALL NIGHT. There is little to live for. My love life's a mess, my friends...gone. My family, getting to like me less and less. Marching band, matters little. I just want to know what exactly I want, and how to get it. Because if I knew that, life would be so much easier. I would be so much happier. I don't feel like doing links. I'm just going to stop now. Bye.