A moment to vent; don't read unless you're prepared

AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Everything: stupid. Everyone: curse them. Everyday: full of misery. Ms. Bingley thinks I'm her friend, muahahaha. Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer. I think I've done that. Now, I just need to keep an eye out. But I think that for the next week, I'm going to just lay down, and give myself up to sorrow. I've been fighting it so long, it'll be nice to have a week when I can let it take over. I'll take up the fight again when I get back from yellowstone. Maybe that isn't such a good idea, but I'm not sure I'd be able to hold up much longer anyway. I'm running out of ammunition very quickly, and the fort has taken such a beating. There are enemy troops surrounding, and I'm afraid the only thing to do would be to retreat for a ways until I can find a place where I'll have the advantage. I hope I'll be able to find that place soon. Anger is once again consuming me...I can feel the happy, nice, cheerful, optimistic me that everyone sees slipping away. Now, the depressed me, and the hateful, angry me are fighting for my emotions, for the face, for the actions. I don't know whether to scream and hit things, or to go to my room and cry. I think I'll go to the night games at violin's house tomorrow. One last time to be with everyone. One last time to see just how good my life was, and just how rotten it's going to be. I think the hateful me is winning. The only words my fingers seem to want to write, are words like "HATE HATE HATE" and "KILL" and "DIE" If Radish doesn't fulfill his promise tonight, I'm going to be extremely angry, because if he's not there anymore when I really need him, where am I supposed to turn? Tomorrow will be full of tears, and sorrowful goodbyes, and wishing, and remembering, and other things like that. I'm reminded of the song "In Dreams" from Lord of the Rings. The words go like this: "When the cold of winter comes, starless night will cover day. In the vailing of the sun, we will walk in bitter rain. But in dreams, I can hear your name. And in dreams, we will meet again." Because the cold of winter is here. And I'm afraid we'll only meet again in my dreams. Because I dream every single solitary night about my friends. I miss them even in my dreams. But I guess it's all over, and I'll just have to keep dreaming if I want to see them again before I die. I want to scream so badly! And yet, I'm on the edge of running down to my room and crying all night. ALL NIGHT. There is little to live for. My love life's a mess, my friends...gone. My family, getting to like me less and less. Marching band, matters little. I just want to know what exactly I want, and how to get it. Because if I knew that, life would be so much easier. I would be so much happier. I don't feel like doing links. I'm just going to stop now. Bye.