Living in the clouds

When you're living in the clouds, it sometimes gets hard to breathe. The butterflies in my stomach sometimes try to fly away with me. Jumping for joy can lead to injuries. Dreamy can often be just that: a dream.

But this time, that's ok.

A Perfect Day

It was beautiful. Here's a list of things that made it the best day, at least of the week:

• Didn't have to wait to cross the street. Either time.
• Got to work on time, and didn't even have to walk fast.
• Not too many problems, confusions at work.
• Daniel not there; I got to use the compy
• We ordered more stickyback sleeves. Each box comes with a handful of candy!
• I got to see the random little office of BYU Central Stores. It's so central, it's in the middle of a building for something else!
• I unexpectedly was let out at 2:30 for graduation!
• The cookies I cooked turned out pretty good.
• I went to DoT, and saw many of my favorite people.
• I went to Music Man, and saw even more of my favorite people.
• When Clayzy was having trouble finding the coupon we needed, I made a gesture and said "appear!" The next second, she pulled it out.
• We sat behind LeggyK and Aubrey. LeggyK and I laughed quite a bit.
• I even shared an inside joke with Soccerball in the middle of the show.
• I got to play with LeggyK's camera at intermission!
  
• Mariel was so cute and gave me a great big hug.
• The OHS Marching Band welcomed me with love, and even played a song in my honor! I think Carry On will now be one of my very favorite songs.

Go Down Hard

My head hurts. This is because I stayed up late after cleaning up after a party I enjoyed very much. Then, I woke up early to shower and go to work. I even woke up early enough to get to work early! Now, this was part of my plan. I always stretch myself as far as I can go.

I'm trying to be everything to everyone! I'm trying to be everyone's friend at once, and the best friend I can be to a select few. I think I have finally found the people I want to hang on to for the rest of forever. Still, doing just a little for a lot of people takes time. I've got things planned with other people every day for six days in a row. That, on top of work, makes it hard for me to keep up with all the chores I have to do at my new apartment: laundry, dishes, cleaning.

Am I going to change my ways? No. I might even become more like this. I will very likely plan myself nearly to death, take a break, then do it again. It works for me. I need to stay busy, and this is one way to do it. I take my breaks when I need them (or when I let myself need them.) Each thing I do is a break from the other things I do, so I can be everywhere and not get tired of it. Rehearsals for the concert at Abravanell Hall is balanced out by being a private teacher. Work is balanced by DoT and the concert. Chores are balanced out by house sitting. The only thing I have trouble fitting into my schedule is sleep.

So, my week's schedule? It looks like I've got myself down to work hard all day, and than play hard all night. I'm excited.

And what a life it is

I hope this and my journal, my own records, are testaments of the tender mercies of the Lord, just as Nephi's records are. This whole year, I've been blessed far beyond anything I deserved. I am beginning to see some of the blessings promised in my patriarchal blessing, as well as things I never dreamed I would receive. My only trials were caused by myself (which seems to be a trend for me) and my joys were rarely dependent upon my own hard work (ha that sounds exactly like the cognitive view of the cause of depression). This only causes me more gratitude for the wonderful way this year has turned out. Things have not gone the way I expected or planned. They have been even better.

Here's a list of blessings I actually worked for:

• Getting into BYU School of Music

Hm. Wow. What a list. Here's a list of things that have just come, some of which I didn't even see coming (or maybe see as blessings) until they were already in place:

• Friendships with Cherry and LeggyK. I never expected to gain any close friends this year, but those two are a couple of my favorite people ever. Senior year would have been unbearably dull without their company and crazy plans.
• Having a job this summer and for the rest of my college experience.
• Near campus housing during the summer and all through school.
• A greater love for those around me, and an ability to get along with those I never thought I would be able to.
• A chance to film the movie!
• The ability to survive. Like I said, though...the only thing I've really had to survive is the torture I put myself through.
• Being in A Cappella. I have enjoyed it immensly, and I'm not exactly sure why I don't get as annoyed with the whole situation as Cucumber and some others.
• Mr. Lyon! Haha need I say more?
• Opportunities to savor this last year of high school. I've had so many chances to relax and be a kid hanging out with friends. I can't even express how grateful I've been for that.
• Chances to make a difference for people. The best thing ever is when I can help someone spiritually or emotionally. There is nothing greater than to see or sense that smile of gratitude.
• A bit more humility. I hope.
• A better perspective for everything that happens: more hope about the future, less dependence on the past, and a greater appreciation for the present.

Hydrogen in my Cheerios

I just love giving titles to things. I think I could see myself writing billions of little essays and things simply to give them all funny/weird titles. I sometimes feel that life is so good that I'm going to start spewing bubbles of happiness from my mouth, ears, etc. Soccerball, LeggyK, Violin, Cherry, and I have had such fun times lately. And most other things make me extremely happy as well. There are some stresses, some causes for anxiety and constant decision making, but overall, I can do nothing but to say that there is an immense amount of beauty in the world, and I'm drinking in all I can. I haven't written a good list in a while, now. Here's the ten songs that make me the most giddy:

1. Drops of Jupiter
2. When Did You Fall (In Love With Me)
3. For Once in My Life
4. The First Time I Danced
5. Give a Little Bit
6. What a Wonderful World
7. Accidentally In Love
8. You're Still You
9. For Good
10. As Lovers Go

Ah. Meaning a tranquil scream. What am I to do? Well, I really wouldn't do anything, except that this could spoil all my plans, all my beautiful hopes. Meh. Well, I've got some time. Ha! I think I know what I could do! I think I'll run the idea past my advisors tomorrow...But what if I'm totally wrong? No. Not possible at this point. I can be oblivious and paranoid, but this is way beyond guessing. This is recognizing the obvious. I mean really. Haha whenever I write down a list or something, my subject afterwards is completely different from the subject at the top. That's just because my thought process evolves during my listing, I suppose. Anyway, about mine problem...it's really rather selfish of me, I suppose. Still, are my hopes to be shoved out to accomodate for another's? No. I can hope, but it might be going too far to interfere consciously and premeditatedly.

"Find another friend and you discard" Have I done this? Oh, I hope not.

Oh how beautiful

How beautiful it is to have a friend.

To look into their eyes and see acceptance.
To be assured by their smiles.
To be hugged and know you are safe.

How beautiful it is to have a friend.

To look into their eyes and see assistance.
To be relieved by their smiles.
To be hugged and know you are healed.

How beautiful it is to have a friend.

To look into their eyes and see joy.
To be thanked by their smiles.
To be hugged and know you are loved.

How beautiful it is to have a friend.

-Eliza Woodhouse

What we've all been waiting for...

Ok, just me. I'm once again using 0% of my gmail account's storage. Woot. That's what I call rationing. Also, my friend bestowed her domain name upon me (because I liked it so much) and you can find a link to it in my links section. It's basically being used for my "artistic endeavors". So...whatever. Today was a TON of fun. I really enjoyed almost everything I did today. Honestly. I really love my friends. I love the times when it seems like everything is going just the way I planned them. Mentally, of course. I'm spending time with friends, getting to know new friends, mending things (even imaginary things) with old friends. I just want to smile all day. Every day. Well, I'd betsa get goin. (oh, btw, ClearType on Internet Explorer 7 is REALLY nice. I like it a lot)

Gathering bits of sunshine

Although I've come down from my "happiness high", I think I've come up into a more spiritual, peaceful, joy. Perhaps not as full as I have yet to experience, but I feel like I'm on the right track, and that is something worth feeling. I feel like I'm a traveler, and though I get burrs in my socks, and cuts on my skin, and sometimes I don't know where I'm going, there is always Someone who is with me. There is always Home to look forward to. There is always sunshine to gather along the way.