Ups and Downs

Well, today some great things are happening!

• The batches are relatively small and running comparatively smoothly.
• An extremely attractive and unmarried boy came to pick up his order, and Daniel wasn't here to take over. His name was Brett. He reminded me of someone I know.
• That Asian girl to whom I give the CD's when I'm done made me laugh because she was practically begging me to get a batch done so she wouldn't have to do coiling. It wasn't my fault, and I was able to give the batch to her right there.
• Daniel and Ed left for the Afternoon, so I am here to run this room as I please!
• I am getting through the small orders which will be picked up today.
• There's a speeches order! Nick's coming!
• I had a very tasty lunch.

But there are some things that make me sad.

• DoT is not yet planned for this week, and guess who gets to do it?
  
• I haven't heard from Cherry or a couple other people in a long time.
• Cavin doesn't even notice me.
• Grandma really doesn't want me to go to the singles' ward yet.
• 
  
• What the random blue dots?
  

Go Down Hard

My head hurts. This is because I stayed up late after cleaning up after a party I enjoyed very much. Then, I woke up early to shower and go to work. I even woke up early enough to get to work early! Now, this was part of my plan. I always stretch myself as far as I can go.

I'm trying to be everything to everyone! I'm trying to be everyone's friend at once, and the best friend I can be to a select few. I think I have finally found the people I want to hang on to for the rest of forever. Still, doing just a little for a lot of people takes time. I've got things planned with other people every day for six days in a row. That, on top of work, makes it hard for me to keep up with all the chores I have to do at my new apartment: laundry, dishes, cleaning.

Am I going to change my ways? No. I might even become more like this. I will very likely plan myself nearly to death, take a break, then do it again. It works for me. I need to stay busy, and this is one way to do it. I take my breaks when I need them (or when I let myself need them.) Each thing I do is a break from the other things I do, so I can be everywhere and not get tired of it. Rehearsals for the concert at Abravanell Hall is balanced out by being a private teacher. Work is balanced by DoT and the concert. Chores are balanced out by house sitting. The only thing I have trouble fitting into my schedule is sleep.

So, my week's schedule? It looks like I've got myself down to work hard all day, and than play hard all night. I'm excited.

Having some

The road is growing straighter,
And rocks now cease to tear,
But the light is growing dimmer,
True vision now is rare.

Is there a street sign to guide my way?
No.
Is there torch to bring the light of day?
No.

Courage is all there is to gain.
Peace is all there is to feign.
E'en if all the hope in me is vain,
It's better than not having any.

-Emma Woodhouse

Swimming through Sunshine

Today was a beautiful day. I woke up at 3:30 am for no reason, but today was full of light. I was tired, and achy, and souped up on cough drops, but today lifted my spirits. I have a cut on my thumb, bruises on my arms, a sore throat, no voice, but I wanted to sing and dance and shout out the joy of my heart. The sky is blue! The air is clear! The sun is bright! and even if they were not, my eyes are blue (that's important to me, I dunno why), my mind is clear, and my countenance is bright! This is such a beautiful world.

Gathering bits of sunshine

Although I've come down from my "happiness high", I think I've come up into a more spiritual, peaceful, joy. Perhaps not as full as I have yet to experience, but I feel like I'm on the right track, and that is something worth feeling. I feel like I'm a traveler, and though I get burrs in my socks, and cuts on my skin, and sometimes I don't know where I'm going, there is always Someone who is with me. There is always Home to look forward to. There is always sunshine to gather along the way.

There comes a time...

When you have to say goodbye. When you have to face those long-forgotten pasts. When you have to face the upcoming future. When you have to sit down and wonder: "What the heck am I going to do with my life!?" When you have to deal with the horrible reality that what means the whole world to you now could mean very little in the near future. When you have to ask yourself how you know what you do, and if you could know more just by a little observation. When life seems a little out of reach, and the slippery slope of panic starts to set in. When you dig in with all the strength you have left, and start the climb up with renewed will and purpose. When you falter, still wondering if you can make it, if your struggle is worth it. When you remember the reason. When you remember the moments when you had no doubt about your struggle. When you recall the feelings of assurance, of accomplishment, of strength and desire for victory. Victory over the enemy. Victory over doubt.