Yet another song, "Stars and Moon and Sun"

Here's another song I wrote. I'm just going to write in the lyrics for now, and then some other time I'll add the chords, because it takes so much time to align them on the screen. They're good, I assure you, haha.

You smile, you laugh
And though they'll never see
You know it's true:
That though you talk to them,
You think of him,
And he doesn't think of you.

So while you're dreaming in the dark,
Don't let your gazing go too far
In his eyes.


You hope, you plan,
You read lots of romance,
You even dance with him,
But you know it all ends at the dance.

So while you feel the pain of waking up,
Remember you were never good enough
In his eyes.

He isn't all he seems;
He's just the product of your lonely dreams.
Just find somebody who will set you free.
You can have the guy who didn't want me!

*Instrumental break*

Soon you will see
That you are absolutely beautiful,
And everything besides:
You'll be funny, smart,
And wonderful.

Soon you will see that you're the one.
You'll be the stars and moon and sun
In his eyes.

In his eyes.

Teardrops on my Guitar

There are so many sad love songs. Is it just because it takes us all so long to get it right? And when it's right for one, it's not always right for the other. So we get another sad love song. And another stupid girl who can relate to it. Hm. What craziness.

We truly are crazy creatures.

What seems so simple to our minds is a world of confusion and conflicting feelings for our poor silly hearts. And then what seems simple to our hearts gets all muddled and clouded by our need to reason it out.

Is there nothing simple for both the heart and the mind? Why is it that neither can ever be sure of either the moment or the outcome?

If only outright honesty was always the best policy. I've found that in situations like these, it is so easy to be honest with him or her...and yet I suppose for whatever reason, imagined or valid, we can't say anything. I wish there were more implicit instructions. When I know what to do, it's easy to do it.

Why I'm Cold.

I am cold because I am not circulating well. I do not circulate well when I am unhappy. So, in order to explain to myself why the room feels so frigid, I must begin by reminding myself of why I am unhappy. Perhaps in isolating these causes, I may be able to identify solutions for each.

1. I hate my house.
This is partly because I often have strong feelings the girl who lives here , and she is the only one who seems able to tolerate being here. Every day I see more reasons why no one comes to visit, and there really isn't anyone to blame, but now I am stuck alone in a place I don't like to be.

2. I hate most of my classes.
I feel like I'm not learning anything, and maybe that's my fault. But why did I work so hard to get here, and why am I working so hard now if I feel as if I'm only digressing?

3. I am skipping many things I physically need.
Tonight is the second night I skipped dinner due to lack of time. I didn't plan it, it just happened. I am not able to sleep when I have the time to, because I am either freaking out about what happened before and what will happen after.

4. Friends are slipping out of reach.
Enough said. It seems that often my most sincere efforts go unnoticed or unfruitful.

5. I feel alone.
The people I talked to about life, the people who put me back together again when I felt like I was falling apart, all seem so far away. The times I need them the most are the times when they are the farthest away. And while they are just an email away, I feel stupid writing something they won't get until I've accepted that life stinks, or they will just feel an excess amount of worry. I don't know. There's no one to talk to in person.

6. I'm really cold.

My Way Home

here's a song I wrote a couple days ago.

Intro
Em A D (2x)

Verse 1
D G A D
You were the one who found me alone

D G A D
You came and brought me into a love of my own.

Chorus
Em A Bm
Walking in the dark was nothing new.

Em A D
But walking by myself was hard to do.

G Em A
I'll be content to stay

G Em A
If I'll see you again today.

Em A D
I'm on my way home.

Em A D
I'm on my way home.

Verse 2
D G A D
You loved and left me with a bag of goodbyes

D G A D
'Cause you were much too good to be caught up in lovely lies.

Bridge
G D A D
You hold the answer to the question: "Was it real?"

G D A
And if the answer is no, I guess I know

G Em G A
How wonderful a dream can feel.

Instrumental
Em A D (2x)

Chorus
Em A Bm
Walking in the dark is nothing new

Em A D
But walking by myself is hard to do.

G Em A
I'd be content to stay

G Em A
If you say you'll be back someday;


Em A D
I'm on my way home.

Em A D
I'm on my way home.

Em A
I'm on my way

D (3+6)
Home.

A College Update

The difficulty of college has resulted in a lot of realizations. These conclusions have included the following:

1. I'm not very good at time efficiency.
2. I'm not quite as good at the trumpet has I had come to believe by the end of senior year.
3. You don't have to be a child prodigy to make it into BYU music school. Only a couple of the people here are UBER amazing.
4. I really really love my family, and my home contains a spirit which is not found anywhere else in my life at this point.
5. I thought I loved my friends before, but I now have a tenderness for almost every one that I may have experienced only a couple of times before. I could make lists upon lists of reasons and certain events which have put you all on my list of favorite people ever. Little things that I may not have noticed before now mean worlds. Ok, time for more lists!


Things that are hard:

1. At times there is too much to do in one day than is humanly possible.
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3. My most loyal, constant friends are as busy as I am, and seemingly far away. So while I have a deeper relationship with them than I thought I might have, I see them less often.


A few things that have really meant a lot to me:

1. Annelise's quiet loyalty. She came to my concert and my little "girls' night", and just those things alone made me realize how much her constancy and love mean to me.
2. (Woops. I forgot to delete that one too :D ) Nothing very secret or scandelous. Just embarrassing.
3. BreeAnne finally needs help! haha I just adore helping friends, and BreeAnne always seemed to help me instead (her being more popular, on top of things, etc.) But now she's having a really hard time in college and feels really lonely. So, while I definitely do not joy in her sorrow, I do relish this opportunity to do something concrete for a friend.
4. Bryan's continued correspondence and trust. I think that no matter how long it has been since we've talked, he will always retain a talent for making me feel like we have a deep mutual friendship. Which I hope we always do.
5. Natalie's Voicemails. They are so much fun!
6. Rachel always remembering to include me. She is the best twin ever!
6. Lisa's consistent emails. It means so much to me to still be connected, even if it is in such a distant manner. I had hoped so hard for just such a connection, because I saw too many classes graduate, and too many people who never communicated to anyone still in high school. So I saw too often that everyone forgot about those people. Not permanently, of course, just the whole out of sight, out of mind deal. But now that we have broken through that trend, it gives me a hope for the ideal: Friends Forever. Maybe that term doesn't have to hold the same cold irony and hypocrisy for my friends and I as it does for almost every other friendship.

If you're not on this list, or if you don't appreciate what I wrote, let me know. Either it was so late that I forgot one of the most important parts of my life (as happens often) or we just need to talk more!

What I really need

I want to make something really cool! Like Casterbridge! Or something really funny. Kinda like Casterbridge. Or maybe something really beautiful. Like...ok, not like Casterbridge, haha.

I really need a project. Again.