Comparing the two

So, I've been sounding pretty depressed about the whole guy situation. I don't really feel very depressed anymore! However, there has been a recent development; I hate liking two guys at the same time. I feel...unfaithful, if that makes sense. There is no romance in having a crush on two. So I suppose I must now take the time to look at myself and both of them, and look at the pros and cons (haha sounds perfectly medieval)

Talking to them both at the same time. I like them both for different reasons. One plays to my girlish fancies...an older man (ok, only slightly) who is funny, smart, handsome, sought after, talented and a really good dancer. Oh, yeah, and he can sing. *sigh* He danced with me the other night. Twice. The first time it was a swing, and I said, "Hey! Can you swing?" and he said "Teach me!" so I did, but he danced as if he had known how before...and it was SO fun. Then the second was a slow dance, and I just kinda went with the flow but he danced closer than anyone else I've danced with (and it wasn't anything scandalous, although I must admit it was a wee bit under the Book of Mormon mark...*cringes reflectively*) I think that was when I first started really liking him. It's amazing what one slow dance can do to an impressionable young girl like me...BUT ANYWAY...he talks to me all the time for hours, and he asks advice, and he gives me advice when I ask, and he's so sweet, and he begs me to do solos and he begged me to be in drumline, and he protects me from the dumb seniors who flirt shamelessly (and sometimes a little violently) but have girlfriends of their own, and he called me dear tonight (ok, that probably didn't even mean anything, but I liked it) But there is a complication. He talks a lot about how much he likes this other girl. My friend. Or...at least he did. He still behaves as if he likes her, though. So that leads me to think. Hm. *thinking* Perhaps he's toying with me.

Then the second. I've written about him vaguely for a while. He plays on exactly zero of my girlish fancies, but he does have things that are simply irresistable about him. He's handsome, I've known him for a LONG time, he plays guitar and sings, we talk for hours on end (if I can manage to keep him around anymore...I'll talk about that later) he's smarter than even I realized before, he's wiser than anyone I know, he's perfectly honest, trustworthy, patient, he surprises me everytime I talk to him, he is talented, hilarious, and just so darn cute! Mostly cute in how he acts, how he gives me that look of surprised, incredulous embarassment. How he looks out of the corners of his eyes when he's pretending to be mischievous or sarcastically disapproving. He's cute when he hides behind a fork, or hits a wrong note or misses a hit in ping pong (I think he does it to make me feel better) and makes a little squeal of amused displeasure. He's adorable when he smiles that one smile that's somehow like Gatsby's smile: he understands me but he puts up with me anyway, and he has just enough sparkle in his eye to make me laugh and just enough care in the soft curve of his mouth to make me melt. I love it when he gets excited about the gospel, and we talk about how cool one doctrine or another is. I love how he connects almost everything to the scriptures. He is so steadfast, and so laid back when it comes to people annoying him (he NEVER gets mad) but he gets so worried about being perfect himself, and to make eneryone happy, and to fulfill ALL of his responsibilities. It's great how he teases me every once in a while and it catches me off guard because he's usually so careful to be nice to me. Perhaps not out of the way nice anymore, though. There's the complication. Maybe he does it to keep us both safe. It seems like the sort of noble, valiant thing he would do. Maybe he does it to get me to find someone he would consider better for me. Maybe he just doesn't want me to get my hopes up, just to have them dashed. For whatever reason he distances himself, I cannot accuse him truthfully of being meanspirited, conceited or heartless. He just...isn't, and never has been. So I think I honestly like the first one. Yes, I have a pretty big crush on that first guy. But I just might be falling in love with the second...