to cry or not to cry

THIS IS AN ANALYSIS

I just love to cry. It makes me feel so much better. It makes me feel somehow justified, it makes me feel right. It makes me feel like I've won somehow. "Ha, now I've cried over you, whatcha gonna do about that, eh?" It's like a medal in some ways. Having truly cried means you've gone through something traumatic. It means that you've accepted it, it means that you've taken at least that step to making things better. Crying makes me more humble. During the time it takes for me to sob my eyes out onto the pillow, I have time to think. I think about people who have it worse than me (of course, that makes me cry harder). I think about why I'm crying, and why that would make me sad enough that I would cry over it. So what if it appears that he uses the most subtle devices of torture to get at me in every direction, and in some directions I didn't even know existed? So what if I feel like I'm disappointing myself and everyone around me? So what if I don't even know what I'm going to do with my life anymore? Why should that affect me? Crying gives me a chance to deeply think about myself, and who I am, and what I'm going to do about it. Crying gives me a chance to say, "I want to give up; I want that more than I want a lot of things. But I'm not going to." Crying gives me a chance to dip into the well of self pity and taste the bitter. Then, I want the sweet again more than ever. I can come out of crying with a better attitude, with a plan, with a purpose. So I'm going to cry. I'm not going to cry in public. But I NEED to cry. Because life isn't about crying. Life is about knowing why you're crying. Life is about taking that, and turning it into something that will make everyone's lives a little less horrible.