The other side of the fence

Wow...she is jealous...of me. Every sign is there. Sudden spikes of conversation, sugar-coated poison, motives, everything. Why does she suddenly want to talk to me when she never has before? because she thinks I've got a connection she doesn't. She thinks I'm moving in on what has always been hers. She might not even think it's me that's doing the moving. Maybe she senses him moving this way too. As friends, of course, and prolly not away from her at all, but it must still be scary. And what is she going to do about it? Like almost any high school girl, she's going to retaliate. She's going to try to shoot me down from both sides. She's going to pretend to be my friend. She's going to gain my trust. Then, she's going to put me down, make me lower than she. But, she can't let it sound intentional. That's why I haven't seen it for a while. But now the tide washes in. Everything I once did myself (years ago, of course) she is doing now. I cannot blame her. After all, look at what's at stake. The friend, the one with whom she has shared mutual affection for all these years. And then there's me. There's really nothing to be jealous of, but I can see how she would think that. What am I to do? Nothing. I'm going to be his friend just like I have been for a long time. I'm going to try to be nice to her, but I will stop listening to her hateful words. Because really...you can't mess with, or even trust, something as highly volitile, dangerous, and unstable as a jealous woman. I should know.

Life is...

Don't finish that sentence! Don't do it! No! Life is NOT a box of chocolates, life is NOT one big baseball game, life is NOT a rollercoaster ride, life is NOT simply wonderful or simply terrible, and life is definately NOT a rollerskating rink. In a box of chocolates, at least everything looks like it's going to be good. Where are those choices that you have to make where neither of the results are appetizing? Baseball games have times where you can stop and think at regular intervals. Life? definately not. A rollerskating rink...there aren't any holes to fall in, no paths to choose, and nothing new to look at. During a rollercoaster, you are stuck with one person and they are stuck with you. In real life, you have to fight for friends. Life is. That's all there is to it. Life is.

Life is a fast waltz right now. Content, but swift and exiting. Whereas before, it was neurotic, at a tempo too fast to keep up with. I kept falling over. But now, I can enjoy this. The pickle is so...different. Conversations with him make me think about what I feel, and what I really believe.

The second star to the right is falling

True happiness is a habit, a result of decisions, a choice of attitude. True happiness is hope and faith, as well as obedience and gratidude. Happiness is charity. Happiness is friendship and service. Selfsacrifice. Love is happiness, and everything unpleasant that seems attached to it is something totally different. I'm growing older, and I suppose I must trust myself more than I have in the past. I have matured, and though I can still be perfectly sure that I don't know everything, I know many more things than I used to, and am able to make much more level-headed decisions. Despite my efforts to stay in Neverland, real life is sucking me out, and I'm growing up. Sorry, Peter. I can't help it. Still, no matter how old I get, I hope to have some pixie dust everyday. And I suppose there will always be days when I feel like a Lost Girl. Well, Peter Pan, come find me when we both leave Neverland. Maybe once we've both grown up a little more, we'll have the perfect balance: a coming of age, maturity, but with the wide-eyed wonder of youth. Well, when you leave Neverland, come find me, and we'll see how the story ends. For now, let's fight pirates, and dance round the campfire of childhood. I won't get to do it much longer.