Analysis...Wait Until Dark

Last night I went to Kimball Tower, where they were showing Wait Until Dark. My friends and I have been looking forward to this movie since last year, when we saw it in the same place. This time was very similar to the last: we all came out totally FREAKED OUT. I truly believe that this movie is tons scarier than any other movie I have ever seen. Scarier than The Ring, Psycho, Final Destination, Sixth Sense, etc. How does Alfred Hitchcock do it?

I think one of the major factors in the "scary scale" is the suspense. In many modern horror movies, everything moves so fast that you don't have time to worry, or to think about it. Wait Until Dark moves much slower, but sets things up in such a way that you almost eat yourself from the inside worrying and wondering whether what you expect will happen actually does. Because many times the things we think will happen are scarier than the things that actually do, one often scares one's self more than the movie does.

Wait Until Dark contains my all-time favorite moment of film history. Our heroine has just conquered over and killed the villain with a knife. She tries the door, but it's chained closed. She goes back down the stairs, and as she walks past the dark hall, the supposed dead man leaps out at her, with the knife in his hand rather than his stomach. To me, the way he jumps is the most frightening part. He is merely a silhouette, but you can see his pain, and determination to kill her. There is no suspenseful music, no suggestive movement of the camera, or anything else to even make you think what's coming. Whenever we go to see that movie, at that moment, the whole theater (me, grown men, teenage boys, everyone) screams in terror. This one moment defines the movie, and stays engraved in your mind the whole year until you see it again.

That one moment could not stand on its own, however. The most important thing in making the movie bloodcurdling is the fact that the heroine is blind. The men do everything they can to fool her, but she notices things that people who could see would not be able to. But one can only imagine the absolute terror she would be going through to have people coming into her house that want only to kill her. When her phone line gets cut, you can almost feel the way her stomach would have dropped. To feel so alone, in a world where you can't see what is happening would throw me into shock. Everyone she can trust is gone, or has been killed. Some who she thought she could trust she finds out she can't. It truly is a frightening situation.

Her husband is a total jerk. She should've ended up with Mike somehow. Jerk.

All of these factors make us freak out no matter how many times we see the movie. Alfred Hitchcock really made a masterpiece out of Wait Until Dark. Now I just have to wonder why I go back, year after year, to be frightened out of my mind.

Hahaha

Ok, it gets a wee bit gross at the end, but that's exactly how I feel a lot...lol

ME AT THE END OF THE TERM

Enough Poetry. Here's some prose.

HA! no. I'm tired. Last week of the term. DEATH. Good thing I'm still way happy. What is it about certain people that just make you happy? What is it about helping people who need help that makes you happy? What is it about having almost zero sleep that makes you happy?! Haha...well...I should get going. I need to go do stuff to my trumpet. I love the trumpet.I love everything right now. I finished my homework, but I'm deciding that some homework isn't worth doing, because the term is now over, and my grade is good enough. *sigh* I'm such a bad person.

Dark shadows may find me,
***deleted for dumbness***

Who's right or wrong? I couldn't say. I just know that no one can hurt me so badly, but no one has brought me such joy...funny reasons to cling to that boy! When did I become so insane, so irrational?! I know exactly the day. Funny how my heart works that way. There is a time, and a place for love...love knows its appointment...but it follows a watch either too fast or too slow, and it shows exactly opposite where it was meant to go. I give up. I'll just be happy to feel this way about someone. It keeps me alive.No amount of reason could make me forget sorrow...no amount of self-reward could give me the pure satisfaction of knowing...I feel! I love! I LIVE. And if he hurts me until the day I die I know I can't give up that feeling...that rush...

I loved you more...

I'll whisper it once more and again:
I loved you more for being my friend.

Romantic phrases had their place,
But I loved your laugh, your kind face.
I swooned as you swept me off my feet,
But loved better when in hard times we'd meet.
You were gallant, the whole globe you rose above,
But understanding, hearing ears won my love.

I'll whisper it once more and again:
I loved you more for being my friend.

- Eliza Woodhouse

Another installment

Why do I frighten off good fortune?
How can I be tortured so?
Despite all of my wishes and labors,
What I want is what cannot grow.

I've fought long and hard against this fate,
Yet the answer is the same!
So I finally resign to sorrow untold,
Left with the whisper of thy name.

- Eliza Woodhouse

I can't stop!

What is it like to live a lie?
To be able to laugh, but not to cry?
To lack all love, but know to hate,
Who can possibly desire this fate?

It isn't worth it to be free of tears,
To not know sorrow, doubt, or fears.
The way we know what happiness is,
Is to feel such pain and sadness as this.

- Eliza Woodhouse

Nom de Plume: Eliza Woodhouse

It's over!
Heart, why do you grieve?
That's the vain sorrow which caused us to leave!

It's over!
Hail your liberty!
Do you pine for the time in which you weren't free?

It's over!
But strength and will I lack.

It's over!
And yet...I must go back

- Eliza Woodhouse

Inspired to write poetry

Clayzy's been writing poetry. I used to write poetry a lot. I decided to some more. I had fun.

For the daydream's misty hope,

For the goals for which we grope,

For the darkness after day,

And blissful joys which fade away.

For the broken heart who cries,

For ersatz smiles and happy lies,

For gilded fields for which we long,

And everliving, sighing songs.

There is no strength in love you say,

That game's a cursed one to play?

But I do know, that while love gives strife,

It gives happiness, sight, meaning and life.

Hm...now I just need a pen name.

Destiny?

Every person is born for a purpose. Everyone has a destiny. Why, then, is it so difficult for me to decide my own? Why is it confusing to try to think about what I want to do in the future? Why am I at such a loss as to what I really feel? What is it that causes me to tremble, and change the subject? Why is the unknown so frightening?

Oh gosh...I am ashamed

Of many things, but mostly these two right now

Well, first of all, I wanted to comment on Cripple's (that's her name for now) post. She talked about how much school is affecting the way we think. I've noticed the same thing. When I was driving up, I kept thinking about all the little streams, and their meander bluffs, and point bends, &c. It drove me crazy. And in my dreams, I keep thinking that there must be a way to figure things out mathematically, by finding the derivative. Also, I think about how I would be able to draw things using just a compass and a straight edge, or I think in French sometimes, or I conduct music, or think of what key things are in. It is kind of...neurotic, I guess, the way school subjects affect your brain.

Women vs. Men Analysis

Second of all, I wanted to talk about what happened tonight. As a girl, I have been raised to be a man-basher. On TV, in newspapers, pop culture, sometimes from my mom, &c. &c. &c. They all say "men are unfeeling pigs and deserve whatever they get." I have fought against that stereotype as much as possible, but sometimes I just break down and agree. This was one of those times. I was tired of my friends getting hurt because of boys (although usually it's their own stupid fault...) I was tired of guys flirting with me when they already have a girlfriend. I was ticked off because some guy took me on a date and all he could talk about was this other girl. (yes, that is totally tactless, but I have forgiven him for a common blunder. I really am not all that interesting, I suppose.) It's easier to believe guys don't really feel things as much as girls do, because we girls take advantage of them WAY too much. I know I have. I can try to rationalize it all I want, but the fact is we manipualte them, and talk them down. And the really sad part is that a lot of guys believe it. I have seen many truly nice guys afraid to do anything because their female friends will tease them, or reprimand them. They are afraid because we are loud, and insulting. They don't make the first move because the girls always do. They think less of themselves because of what the girls say about guys. Girls chase guys. Girls try to rule guys. And because they are sweet boys, we win. We have too much influence, and sometimes we abuse it. That is the simple reality. I think it should change at least a little. I certainly am going to have to change. I just woke up to another reality. Guys ARE sensative. Guys do feel. Sure, some may be pigs, but I certainly don't know very many, if any. I love all the guys I have been able to get to know. Not just for their muscles, or good-looks, or their perfect 8to5 haha. It's because they are sweet. They care about what girls think. They are chivalrous. They are polite. They are funny. They love the gospel. They have good goals and they are working toward them diligently. They have a full measure of the spirit. They are great friends. I hope that we can all stop and notice what great people they are, and be thankful the media wasn't right about men.

(Thanks, Radish, for reminding me)

Analysis d'Austen

Jane Austen. One of my all-time favorite authors. I have read a goodly amount of her novels, and have loved every one of them. The movies are sometimes less than desirable (Persuasion...) but I have adored the books. My mother hates them. She says that they are redundent because they are purely social, and they are boring because the characters spend all their time going to parties and having social difficulties. I tell her that I love the books because they are purely social, and all the people do is go to parties and have social difficulties. Why do I love this? What makes it worth it to me? Why is there such a difference between my mother and I?

As I have stated or implied in nearly every post, I am a social creature. Much of each evening is spent trying to sort out hurt feelings, mysterious men, misunderstandings, lost souls, and every other sort of social trap imaginable. I love it. The best thing about doing this for teenagers is the fact that I will never have to stop giving them advice. They will keep coming back because even if they know the answer to their problem, they will still want someone to talk to about it, and try to get something out of them that will be less inconveniant to them than the answer they have already come up with. The other best thing is that the person who can listen well, make a person feel important, and give them wise but not pushy advice, is everyone's best friend. At least while they are in trouble, and that's where some better (more loyal) friends will come in handy. Jane Austen's novels put an emphasis on the kinds of problems I love to try to solve. They are easy to relate to. Almost every character matches someone I know, at least in some of the things they do or feel. The people seem real, and their feelings are realistic (at least among teenage audiences). This makes it fun for me to read about their lives, because it's almost as if I'm talking to my friends about theirs.

Another great thing about Jane Austen is her wit. So much of the novel can be humorous to those who understand the humor. At one point she writes, "I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligable." or "Life seems to be but a quick succession of busy nothings." "Nobody minds having what is too good for them." "A woman, especially if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can." "Those who do not complain are never pitied." "I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them." These and countless other witty sayings are slipped so fluidly into her books, that it takes a doubletake to know they are there. I believe that these satirically wise one-liners are definately what gives Jane Austen that extra spice, and helps one not to skip some of the dialogue. There is quite a bit of dialogue, but her humor certainly does make reading it worth it.

I really enjoy the stories. The plots may not be dreadfully complicated, or beautifully entwined like Dickens or Hugo (though I do love them too, perhaps I'll analyse them later.) but they keep the reader (especially if that reader is a hopeless romantic) enthralled. The absolute humiliation sometimes experienced is so well communicated (well, perhaps not so much communicated, but led up to with suspense &c. and then just held there, making it seem like you are experiencing that awful, horrible, detestable, dreaded moment, that is awkward to say the very least.) that sometimes I find it hard even to read it, I am just writhing in so much amused agony for the character. The best example that comes to mind is when Elizabeth Bennett accidentally meets Mr. Darcy at his home after months of not seeing him (in Pride and Prejudice just in case you don't know). It took me forever to get through that scene, because I felt what Elizabeth would have felt, which was absolutely...just humiliating. I nearly died. I can't really find enough words to say it, so I will move on.

Jane Austen makes you feel like you are the character's best friend. They tell you everything, and you can often see trouble before it occurs. But, because the hints and foreshadowing are so subtle and mixed in with hints that amount to nothing, it's almost like trying to figure it all out while experiencing it. It is fun to take a step down from omniscient being.

Another great reason I love Austen is because her books are the perfect chick flicks. There is the rich handsome young man, and the beautiful young woman (money optional). There is the question of which of the handsome gentlemen will win her fancy, and the audiences approval when she finally makes her decision and comes to grips with herself. Then, the classic rejection and humiliations, and finally they end up happy and married and still rich. What more could a girl want!? I fall in love every time, making me in love with Mr. Darcy, Mr. Frank Churchhill, Mr. Bingley, Mr. Edward Ferrars, and others each in their turn. How can one not? Chivallry, good-looks, money, it's all there. hehe.

Why my mother and I differ: she is hard to please. She does not enjoy social enigmas and riddles. She is already married. Sadly enough, I don't think she's as well read as I am. *sigh* Perhaps one day. But it gets less likely as the years go by. She's getting too caught up in 6th grade level books...my whole family is going in that direction. Ah well, another analysis.

I adore every moment of Jane Austen's books. She has written some of the few books I would ever consider reading twice. At the moment I am in the middle of Emma, which is called her masterpiece. It is just blowing me away. In fact, I'm going to go read it instead of talk about why it's so good. Have fun, and read her books!

Happiness: An Analysis

At least, from my own perspective. To even begin to attempt analysis of one of the basic emotions, especially happiness, would be entirely futile. Therefore, I will confine myself to my own experiences and observations.


To me, happiness is a see-saw of choices and circumstances. Chemical balance has a HUGE effect on this see-saw, but fortunately for me, it only really affects me once a month. A couple weeks ago, I started on a happiness plateau. A week after that, on the day I had the most reasons to be happy, I dropped to absolutely depressed solely because of my body's reactions. I did everything I could, and tweaked everything possible, but this factor alone sent me into a ditch (see a few posts back, or not) of emotion.

Attitude is the second greatest factor in this seesaw. A bad attitude will keep even the happiest situation less than what it should be. A good attitude can make almost every time (except those influenced strongly by chemical imbalance) a positive one. Of course, it does take a considerable effort to make one's attitude go against the grain of the situation, but it is possible.

This brings us to another important part of happiness: circumstance. This factor is one over which the individual has very little power. Happiness can be deeply affected by an extremely slight change in situation. A few words, a few missing words, can make all the difference. Of course, the other two factors take precedence, but situations can make it almost impossible to turn the tides of attitude in one's favor. I would rather have my both me legs broken, and be slashed across the back, and be forced to through up every hour on the hour, than to have to endure all the social mishaps, and romantic disappointments that are innate to teenage life. I think this is because society and people make me happy. Ah well...c'est la vie.

Too many people base their happiness on a certain person, or a certain event. I DO! But that's the main reason I'm ever unhappy. Because he makes me that way! Is that right? no. Should I let him rule my emotions? no. Do I let him? yes. Will I in the future? yes. Love makes everything you try to do impossible, and possible at the same time. It embroils all reason, all effort, all order. Still, it's because I focus on the upsides that I have been so happy lately (except those 2 days)

To keep happiness as much as possible, it is important to to keep positive attitude at a maximum, not to let situations bog you down too much. Above all...keep your seesaw balanced! or at least on the happy side of things. If situations seems too much to overcome, create a new situation! Or stop caring...lol

Woa...

Hey, guess what, I didn't really mean all of those things, really. I was tired, and in a bad mood swing. So...sorry! :D I'm happy again

Some of this was meant for you. (not Mr. Wealthy)

I thought I had finally gotten over it. I was on a happiness plateau. I was happy. Very happy. Read back a few posts. I was DARN happy. Now I'm not. FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. Everything is the same, if not better. And I'm mad at those I should love. I don't like life. Again. I hate it. Overnight, (Thursday to Friday) I go from a happiness plateau to a ditch. Not even as majestic as a canyon, or as intriguing as an abyss. A ditch. No noble tragedy, no selfless dispair, just selfish lack of happiness. And why? I don't know. Green Bean has been great. Beet has been better. Zuchinni is pretty much awesome. Radish has been absolutely magnificent, and has surprised even me. Of course, the things that were bothering me when I was happy are the same now. The only difference is...I'm not happy! I worry, I get paranoid, I get stressed out, I get touchy and offended. I get down on myself, I remember whenever someone said something that hurt me. I get mad, and then when I try to figure out why, the anger goes away and is replaced by self-destruction. When I try to build myself up, self-destruction turns into despair. And I don't know why. There's nothing I can do. I've tried everything. I hope I'm not truly mentally ill, because I know I would never take medication. I'm too afraid that I'll stop trying to be normal, if I know I'm not. I'm angry! Only one person emails me EVER, even though I sent out a plea of help. Every single one of you has email. No one posts regularly on the combined blog, even though I've asked, and suggested, and tried, and you promised! Frisbee was fun. The only time in months. I know, that's partly my fault. I hope you don't read my blog, because I'm not sure you want to read me getting so angry at you. I read your blogs regularly. So I can know you better. And I comment on yours so you know I actually care about stuff you have to say. (unless it's about historic politics, I mean, honestly) I have recieved three, maybe four comments. Ever. Two of them were from people I have never met in my life, on a blog that none of you know exists. I'm angry. And I'm hurt. And I'm falling apart. I can't do this anymore. How many of you actually TRY? I know you care, but you don't actually TRY. You may notice, and ask once or twice if I'm doing ok. You may sit quietly while I tell you why I'm shaking so badly on every level. Only three people are actually willing to have a conversation with me and to offer suggestions. I'll give you a hint: if you are reading this, YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. They are 2/3 boys (which is really sad, considering the stereotype that girls are better at being sensative). They don't always have the wisest advice, and they aren't the best at expressing themselves, but they help me just by listening. Not only that, but they give me feedback. They try to understand. They make me feel ok, loved, and accepted even with all these things I'm struggling with. They aren't afraid to tell me when something I do totally is against what they think is right. Of course, there is Strawberry, thank you so much for helping to make things better even though we don't often have the chance to have true conversations. Most of you give me weird looks, whenever I tell you something that's really bothering me. So I pretend it's something else. I have ceased to tell most of you my fears and struggles, and the rest of you never got the chance to hear them because I was afraid you would react the same way. You don't know me because you didn't make the effort. Thank you for being my friend, but I hope that we can be better friends in the future, rather than just people who eat lunch together, and play frisbee once in a while. Sorry for completely chewing you out, but it has really been bothering me. I love you all, maybe I'm just expecting too much. Maybe I'm too self-absorbed. You do set good examples in many ways, and I'm thankful for that. A few of you really didn't deserve this chewout. But if you're reading this, IT PROBABLY WAS MEANT FOR YOU. Well, I've got to continue my experiment on how much the body can handle. I've already used up my mind and soul.

What is most important? Analysis

Throughout the average person's life, priorities change and interchange, and undergo constant shuffling through new experiences, new situations, or maturation. It is possible to have one main priority for an extended period of time, but it is impossible to have a specific list that outlines what your priorities will be the rest of your life.
For a large part of the world, religion has a strong hold for number one on the priorities list. Religion can, and does affect a person's everyday decisions and reactions to the world around them if it takes a high importance in that person's life.
For the majority of the 1st world society, pleasure and self-justification takes first on the list of priorities. If one allows themselves to become his or her first priority, then that priority will also be reflected in the decisions they make.
Unfortunately, there is an overwhelming number of people in the world who do not have the luxury of making pleasure and entertainment their first priority. Many of them feel forced to put religion very far down on their priorities list. While the 1st world does not put much thought into survival, the poor people of the earth have only that on their minds as they go from meal to meal, dollar to dollar. How many of even the middle or lower classes of America have felt the extended pangs of hunger? How many English have had to drink contaminated water, if only to survive? How many have been ripped from their homes and slaughtered so that a diamond lord can have room to work the mines? These are not things we think about. They are not provided for in our conscious priorities. It accounts for their entire list.
Family has always been important to every society and civilization on mankind. Parents to nurture children, and children to have place to teach and learn. Unfortunately, in the current fast-paced culture, family is often pushed to one of the last on the list of priorities. Perhaps this is why 1 per 3 people have some sort of mental weakness or disease. Perhaps this is why the news is so full of the most abominable of crimes. Perhaps this is why we aren't safe.
Right now in my life I believe that school often takes over, taking second only to my religion. I may say that my family takes priority, but I have often sacrificed time with family for time to do homework. I have sacrificed service for homework. I have sacrificed precious time with my friends for homework. I have sacrificed Young Women activities to do homework. I have failed to complete other responsibilites because I have been doing homework. I have fallen exhausted onto the floor after doing hours of homework, not even being able to think about reading my scriptures. I have even sometimes allowed myself to take time from the Sabbath to do homework. I know that is wrong. I know that is wrong. I know that is wrong. This whole way of life is undeniably, completely, and utterly wrong, and the only reason I'm living this way is because my schoolwork is taking priority. I give and give and give, and I don't have time to do the things I know to be the most important. I give up 90% of my priority list, including some survival priorites, for my schoolwork. I rarely even have time to learn the material rather than just finish the assignment. Because the grade is my priority, the grade is my reward. And that only if I make the cut.
The worst part is I don't think I can escape. I have little hope that I can immediately set my priorities straight. Sometimes I can't help but fall onto my knees, and wonder why I am doing this to myself. Why can't I escape? Because there's another term. There's another semester. There's another year. There's another grade, and I can't let that get too out of reach, because the farther reaching priority, college, will also get further out of reach. This whole life is wrong. This whole system is wrong. My whole priority list is wrong. What should it be? I know just as well as anyone else. Religion, family, friends, service, schoolwork, whatever. It should be black and white. It should be clear in my mind and clear in the way I live my life. But it's not. School flits in and out, fluttering and overlapping, always trying to take number one.
Fortunately I'm not going to let it get that far up. I cannot dispair. I've got to accomplish my goals without letting my priorities get out of line. There is no way I can do this by myself. If your priorities are properly placed, the higher priorities will help you accomplish your lower priorities, and help you to weed out the ones that aren't important. I'm not lost, I only misplaced myself. It's time to get back on track.
To love. I leave this priority last, because it is a subject that is not easily defined, and naturally is very precious to me. I am not able to put love on my priorities list because it is not something to be controlled, and is difficult to nurture, and difficult to do much with except cherish at this time in my life. Love is mocked by the light-hearted, defiled by the culture, and almost forgotten by all except the innocent. It seems that no one really knows what it is to truly love someone because they are too self-absorbed. Lust takes over at an early age, and is never really constrained because no one socially respected ever says it's anything but natural and good. Maybe that's why domestic violence is so high. Husbands and wives frequently don't really have the chance to love eachother. Pure love is a part of my religion, it helps me to be closer to my family, and to be a better friend. So, in a way, love is first on my priorities list, and I think that it should be.
In the end, after all is said and done, it is your priorities that define you. If you put others first, they will put you higher on their list than before, and you will have relationships and experiences that will last beyond the grave. If you put your religion first, you will grow in faith, and in the ability to follow that religion wherever it takes you. If you put your family first, generations hence will prosper and honor you and your dedication and love. If you put yourself first, you will have nothing but what you started with.

I'm HAPPY!

yes. unexplainably. uncontrollably. unfallibly. unmatchably. unreasonably. happy.

A tip on how to survive

DON"T GET SO EASILY OFFENDED! I need to learn that tip. It's making me insanely paranoid. So, just keep that in mind. Be understanding, and just forget it. If they hate you, deal with it. Don't go assuming things. Just assume that people love you, and you'll feel better, and they will tell you if they despise being your "friend". Anyway, I gotta go finish with my students.